Breaking up with someone you love and care about is not easy, yet sometimes is the best option. Common reasons for breakups include:
• Change/ lack of commitment
• Change in priorities
Emotions likely to be after a break-up include:
1. Self-blame: There must be something I’ve done wrong. If only I had been more caring.
2. Denial: No way! This is not happening, we are not over…
3. Anger: How can you do this to me?!
4. Fear: OMG! This is the end of my world…I am never going to love again
5. Guilt: I feel terrible that I am the one initiating the break up. He/ She must be really hurt
6. Hope: Oh maybe s/he will come back to me. We can still make this work
7. Relief: I am relieved that we won’t continue those vehement fights again
8. Sadness: I feel so lonely. Now there’s no one count on, no one to share my secrets, no one to watch a movie with…
How to deal with a break-up
• Avoid risky behaviours such as drug abuse
• Explore your hobbies ad past times
• Let your partner go. Do not keep grudges.
• Learn from your mistakes if any
• Learn to trust again by trusting
• Don’t fight your feelings, but identify and acknowledge these feelings
• Talk to people who can support you about these feelings. It will make you feel less alone. Keeping a diary is also helpful to release your emotions
• If you still find yourself getting stuck in negative emotions after a few weeks, it may be helpful for you to meet with a counsellor/ psychologist to sort out your thoughts and feelings
• Encourage yourself to start seeking new hopes and dreams
• It is important to move forward, however, tae things one step at a time
• Don’t make the other members of the opposite gender responsible for the mistakes of your ex.
• Help others
Ever thought why so many people get involved in volunteer work when there are no pay or perks to look forward to? It is simply because the satisfaction that people get from knowing that they are helping or making a difference to the less fortunate. Thus volunteering for a social cause or getting involved with spiritual or charitable work will also help to keep your mind off hurtful thoughts and make the breakup easier to get over.
DeKUT Counseling section… Always ready to listen…